Gifts of Grace: Reclaiming Simplicity During the Holidays | E52
The holidays are here, and with them come emotions ranging from joy to overwhelm. In this heart-centered episode, host Deb Meyer shares a timely message to help parents slow down, align spending with values, and create lasting peace during the Christmas season.
She opens with a beautiful rendition of the Shaker hymn “’Tis the Gift to Be Simple” and explores how the simplicity it speaks of can serve as a financial and spiritual guidepost through the noise of Black Friday, gift-giving pressure, and packed family schedules.
Episode Highlights
(8:21) The power of automating gift savings and how to start in January
(10:36) A values-based framework for choosing gifts that foster connection
(12:52) Ideas for experience-based gifts
(15:17) Catholic resources for Advent to nurture faith amid the hustle
(18:14) How generosity through time, talent, and treasure can reshape your family’s holiday rhythm
Featured Resources
Core Values Exercise: Think2Perform
Book: The Family Board Meeting by Jim Sheils
Advent Devotional: Shadow and Light by Tsh Oxenreider
Catholic Mom Advent Bundle (Available until Nov. 21): CatholicMomBundle.com
Claim your FREE Cozy Catholic Christmas Catalog
Listener Challenge
Complete the free values exercise and review your holiday gift list. Ask: Does this reflect who we are and the values we want to pass on to our children?
Don’t forget to share the episode with a friend who’s feeling the pressure of the season. Help them find peace through perspective and purpose!
Connect with Host Deb Meyer, CFP®
Founder of WorthyNest®, helping faith-driven parents build financial plans that reflect their values.
Download your FREE guide | Follow us on YouTube | Take the Financial Wellness Quiz
Full transcript
Deb Meyer (00:01.464)
The holidays are really upon us, right? I think, I don't know about you, but I feel like coming into November, I'm wondering where the year went. It's just flown by. don't know if that's the case for your family, but for mine, for sure, that's the case. So for holidays, I think a lot of people have some sense of anxiety. It's a busy time of year. There's a lot of activities to do.
Parents, especially, have kids with lots of options of special things to take advantage of around the holidays. And for some, you know, it could be a time where you're still grieving loss of someone that you love or just feeling scattered, like you hadn't accomplished as much this year as you wanted to. So my hope for this episode is to really give you some peace about the season that's coming forth and give you some guidance on gift guidelines because I know shopping is part of it. I do have a little bit different message that I think you know I want to greet you with before you get all of the Black Friday notifications and the Cyber Monday deals and and all the rest because it can be overwhelming.
I think I'm going to start off just with a simple song. It's Tis the Gift to Be Simple. It's a shaker song and I'm going to attempt to sing two sections of it.
Deb Meyer (01:37.24)
Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free, tis a gift to come down where we are to be. And when we find ourselves in the place just right, twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true simplicity is gained.
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed. To turn, turn will be our delight. Till by turning, turning we come round.
Deb Meyer (02:24.088)
So for those of you who haven't heard that song before, or it's been a while, some of the lyrics reflect upon that simpler time, having contentment, not being so attached to worldly things. And I think it's a message we need to hear, especially at this time of year, but really a year-round message because the world is throwing a lot at us all the time and it's good to just be still and at peace.
And again, in this episode, I'm hoping to help you kind of open your eyes to what that could look like this holiday season. All right. One of the things I wanna highlight from the last episode, episode 51 with Chelsea Williams is she brought up some really good points. It was kind of early on in the episode or midway through it.
I just want to dig a little deeper. One of the things that she mentioned was 20% technical and 80% perspective when it comes to financial decision-making. You think, oh, well, I wasn't really good at math growing up, or I didn't have great role models. That's one thing. Yes, maybe you might not have the technical know-how to balance the budget or do some of these math-oriented technical tasks associated with finances.
But really the vast majority of it is going to be perspective … what your attitudes were about money growing up and which of those attitudes you carried with you into adulthood. That's really important to reflect on, especially as you head into the holidays.
Were the holidays a time of peace and family togetherness for you, or were they a time of arguments because mom and dad couldn't decide on a right budget for gifts, things like that, okay? So if you grew up in that latter case, obviously you're probably going to carry more anxiety into the holidays than someone who had a lot of family harmony and contentment this time of year.
Deb Meyer (04:43.382)
One of the things too to think about is just that scarcity mindset versus the abundance mindset. How much did your parents instill in you, money doesn't grow on trees, you gotta be super frugal all the time, even if there are abundant resources just around the corner, or even available today, right?
if you grew up with more of an abundance mindset, usually money flowed a lot more freely and there was an opportunity to kind of see money, not as a, a restraint, but really a tool to achieve goals. So, if you didn't grow up with that abundance mindset, if you had more of a scarcity mindset, it can be helpful to really try to move through some of those feelings and, and just see it from a different perspective.
So my question for you there is how is your mindset blocking you from true financial peace?
Maybe it's not at all, but for those of us who have some of those scarcity beliefs formed in childhood, I just want you to acknowledge that this doesn't have to be the same way for you as an adult. You can move forward and try to embrace more financial peace. All right, one of the other things that Chelsea mentioned that I'd like to highlight is the formative years for children being from zero to 12.
So a lot of their money habits are shaped in those years. And that means you, as a parent, are shaping your children's beliefs if they're in that age group. Even if they're a little bit older, you're still shaping their beliefs, just not as strongly as you did in age zero to 12. I have two in that age group right now. My middle son is gonna be out of that age group soon enough, but he's still technically in the cutoff.
Deb Meyer (06:41.454)
And one of the things I really look at for the holidays and even year-round … are my kids feeling entitled or are they feeling grateful when receiving a gift? And that's something I'm continuing to work on with them. I do feel like my younger ones are pretty darn grateful for most things they get. But that's something we've really focused on as a family for several years now when we are coming to Christmas time, and gift-giving is a very traditional part of that. Usually we're trying to gift experiences or if we do get a gift that's of significant value, we're not buying lots of other gifts alongside it. We're just focusing on the one bigger gift that costs a lot of money. So I hope that gives you a little bit of a sense of
You know, just things to be thinking about as you head into this holiday season and getting the mindset right, not only for you, for the gifts that you might be buying for like your significant other, but also for the gifts that you might be giving your kids. Is this something that you guys need to work on in the year ahead? If your kids are feeling more of that entitlement or if they're already in a grateful place, just keep doing what you're doing. Right.
Okay, so before we move on to some of the gift-giving guidelines, I'd also like to encourage you to share this episode with a friend. I think it does have some really unique concepts in it and I just, I would encourage you as you're looking ahead this month and next month, it is gonna be crucial for new people to hear about some of these concepts, and I just ask … please share this episode with a friend that you think could benefit from it. Okay. All right. Now into gift-giving guidelines. So one of the things that, has been really helpful for me and my clients is automating savings for the gift giving throughout the year. for a lot of people, if you haven't been automating it, you're just faced with like, gosh, there's a lot of big bills coming just in November and December.
Deb Meyer (09:01.966)
And it's a time when people might rack up credit card debt and then feel like, hey, I got through the holidays. And then January's a real tough time because they don't have a plan to pay off those credit card bills, right? If you're not in that position, let's just say you have been allocating money throughout the year in a savings account or maybe just in your general checking account, but just building up enough of a reserve, great.
But if you are in that kind of stressful state where you're not sure how you're gonna pay for this, this solution isn't gonna like solve it day one for you for this holiday season. But if you start allocating whatever you think you're gonna need for gifts, let's call it $1,000 for Christmas gift giving … or let's round $1,200, okay? Then you would try to allocate $100 a month into this special account that you could use just for purchasing the holiday gifts next year. That's what I mean by automating the savings. And then the other crucial part I want you to think about with this is core values. Now, if you haven't had a chance to listen to episode two.
It's called Shaping Your Family's Financial Future with Core Values. I highly recommend you do so now. That episode does talk about core values in detail. I'm just gonna give a quick overview of core values now, but when I'm working with clients in Worthy Nest, my goal is always to help people see if they're spending decisions aligned with their values. And for a lot of people, there is a good connection there, but for some there's a disconnect, right?
They say they value health, but they are not really investing in their health in terms of pure dollars going out, right? Or they say they want to, generosity is a big value, but from a like actual percentage of their income that's going to giving, it might not be consistent, right?
Deb Meyer (11:08.972)
I want you to really examine what are your core values if you haven't already done so. And if you need additional help, there is an exercise on Think2Performs website. It's a free exercise where you can examine your values online. And if you're married, I would encourage you and your spouse to both take it independently and then kind of compare your results. But the idea would be let's find one or two.
that you, if you're married, you and your spouse share that really are the key ones driving the decisions for your family. So that link to take the free values exercise is gonna be, think, T-H-I-N-K, the number two, perform, P-E-R-F-O-R-M, .com, slash values. And I will link to that in the show notes as well. Okay.
So take that core values exercise if you haven't already identified it. And then once you have those core values, really think about the gifts that you're about to give. Are they representative of those core values? So one of the examples a lot of my clients have when they start working with me, my tagline for Worthy Nest is faith, family, finance. So I end up finding a lot of people that have family as a core value when we do this values exercise together.
And if family is one of your core values, just think about whether the gift will actually bring you closer together as a family, or will it bring you further or tear you further apart? So an example would be you want to spend more time together as a family, but you're getting your child a electronic device that you're not gonna ever play with and that they're gonna just spend more time going solo using that device. That could be a good example.
But on the other hand, let's say you are really into video games and you get a video game for your child and that's quality bonding time for you and your child, then that could be a good use of the money. it's really just going to depend on what you enjoy doing with your children or child and how that relates to either bringing you guys closer together as a family or
Deb Meyer (13:30.078)
and tearing you further apart as a family, giving less time together, okay? One of the other things to be thinking about, and this was from a happiness survey, so really looking at people across the board saying, “Hey, what are some things that actually bring you happiness?” In other words, contentment or joy.
And what they found in this study, and there are several other studies as well, is that experiences generally are gonna be more beneficial than tangible things. So if you can invest in travel or even taking excursions to local things that are important and bringing more of that family time together, that's gonna be a better use of money than just spending it on the latest iPhone or something, okay? So the idea here would be investing in experiences, rather than tangible items.
Now, some people still enjoy tangible items and I still have plenty of tangible items. I'm just not, when we are looking at our own family decisions on dollars out, we're spending more money on the experiences, going out to eat together, going out to different excursions and we don't spend as much on some of the tangible items in our house.
One of the things I recently read that I'd like to highlight is Jim Sheil's book, The Family Board Meeting. I read it over the summer, and it was a very eye-opening experience for me. I'll link to it in the show notes. And by the title you would think, it's just some kind of weird take on like business board meetings. And yes, it is, but basically the premise behind it, and I'll let you read the book for all the details on how to structure it.
It’s that you're taking your children out individually and spending a large amount of quality time with them, doing an activity of their choice, and taking them out to a meal. So in that situation, if you're already doing that and incorporating that into your routine on a quarterly basis, you could look at that in and of itself being part of the gift giving because you're spending a decent amount of money to take them to the activity of their choice unless they choose something free or very low cost. And you're spending money on the meal. That could be something where maybe you're being creative and putting a little certificate for the future family board meeting that you're gonna schedule with your child and put that under the Christmas tree. So those are just some examples if family is one of your core values.
Let's move on to faith for a minute. If faith is a core value, I have a couple of different resources to share. For Catholics like myself, we're really focusing on Advent, especially in the month of December, is, it starts on the, it's four Sundays before Christmas, okay?
So in this situation, I would say one of the Advent resources I've used for a couple of years with my family that I love, and it's not super expensive. It's a book by Tsh Oxenreider called Shadow & Light, a Journey into Advent. I just love the way she writes. She wrote some other great books that I love. I think it's Notes from a Blue Bike, and I'm forgetting some of the other titles, but I’m huge fan of her writing.
This particular Advent devotional really speaks to me and my family. So, highly encourage you if you're interested in books and really bringing together that sense of Advent where you can have, you know, prayers each day throughout the Advent season. That's a great one.
One of the other suggestions I have if you're a Catholic mom, I'm participating in the Catholic Mom Bundle this year. We're gonna have it on sale through November 21st. Basically, it's a group of different Catholic resources where we're trying to help you grow in this Advent season. And there's everything from a printable board game, which I actually printed out just now, to deepening your personal prayer life or even improving spousal intimacy.
Deb Meyer (17:58.287)
There's a plethora of resources in this bundle. It's a very low cost given the value of the collective resources. And you can go to catholicmombundle.com for more info. Again, that's a time-sensitive offer just through November 21st, but it's on sale. I'm personally most looking forward to and just downloaded Andrea Frey's Await with Grace ebook. It's a weekly Advent wellness journey for busy Catholic moms.
I just loved her intro, how she's like, okay, you have lots of to-do's, lots of things to be thinking about, and then here's some way to keep peace throughout the season and do it in a, my guess is she has a background in wellness from like a physical perspective, but I don't know all the details yet. So I'm most looking forward to that one.
And then if, let's just say you're not a Catholic mom, but you want something else that's more Catholic related. There is a free Cozy Catholic Christmas catalog that's sponsored by Catholics Online that Amy Brooks heads up and I'll link to that in the show notes as well. I'll link to all of these things, but that would be a good one where it's free to download the catalog, and then you can look at different gift ideas from there.
That's more on the tangible gift side, but again, all of these things could be valuable and it separates it out, whether you're buying for a male or a female or a child. It even breaks it out between teens and younger kids. So, a really great resource there.
And then if generosity is one of your core values, I don't want you to think strictly in terms of monetary, right?
Yes, monetary is one component of generosity, but we're thinking about time, talent, and treasure. One way you could help would be to organize a time for your family to go serve at a shelter. If your kids are old enough and able-bodied, you guys might be able to go and actually help distribute food to people in need during the holiday season.
Deb Meyer (20:12.248)
It can be a very hard lonely time for people who are in shelters, and it might not be on Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day, but it might be one of the weeks in between, right? Another idea, if you are leaning more towards the treasure part of that, the monetary would be like adopting a family for Christmas, buying Christmas gifts. And sometimes it doesn't have to be a whole family. I know through my church, they offer for you to just buy one individual gift.
So you could take it to any level or direction, but this time of year, usually you'll see more and more drives. Right now, even for Thanksgiving, my son's school has lots of canned goods. You're trying to refill the pantry shelves of a local food pantry. And they're actually doing it in a fun way. Like, weighing the pounds and comparing, okay, which grade is bringing in more canned goods. So every day he's like, can we go buy more canned goods? Which is exciting. I'm all about it, but it's just, it's fun to see that spirit. So whether it's through a school or a church or even just seeking it out on your own as a family, again, this can be a really good time to focus on serving others.
Alright, that concludes today's episode. I hope you got some cool ideas on how to make this holiday season less stressful and more peaceful. Yeah, I appreciate you listening and look forward to sharing more wisdom next month. We're going to be altering the schedule a little bit as we get around these holidays, just because of the timing of when the episodes would normally release.
We're a little early on this episode, and then we'll keep that every two-week cadence after that. Okay, thanks!